the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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