wanna go halves on a baby?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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