Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
did you just send me my own nude
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
