You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
