EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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