bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
