Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
