He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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