Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Even my vagina gasped.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
