Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
