who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize