So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
