God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
