Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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