do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
