He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
