I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
