Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
