two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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