Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
