you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You smell like stripper and shame
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
