Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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