I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
