Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You smell like stripper and shame
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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