If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
