I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
