I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize