I didn't shave. On purpose
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
