Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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