"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
