Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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