and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
