my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the night ended with taco bell and tears
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
