Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
