God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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