I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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