my phone needs a breathalizer
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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