the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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