She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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