Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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