Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
