singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
