Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
two words...techno handjob
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
