Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Congratulations! We have a period
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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