i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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