we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
