that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i've created a new STD.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
