so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
