the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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