I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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