I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize