I wanna bring you to show and tell
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
