It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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