Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
