Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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