sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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