Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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