I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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