Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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