I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
