I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
