i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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