Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
