the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
