I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
