The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
