My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
