So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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