I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize