ADVERTISEMENT

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose

  Fav 3 1007 1377

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.

  Fav 17 993 2559

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (540): View more from Virginia

  so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...

  Fav 66 1719 7471

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?

  Fav 27 744 4766

  share tweet
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.

  Fav 38 11058 1462

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  You made eat vitamins until I threw up

  Fav 9 1042 3671

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (765): View more from Indiana

  He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.

  Fav 5 3667 1124

  share tweet
  

• (541): View more from Oregon

  Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?

  Fav 7 4147 1231

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.

  Fav 5 2868 853

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.

  Fav 3 1039 564

  share tweet
  

• (907): View more from Alaska

  Floor bacon is actually really good

  Fav 1 103 132

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (748): View more from

  I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao

  Fav 0 38 2

  share tweet
  

• (971): View more from Oregon

  I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.

  Fav 0 6 51

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The best part of last night is not remembering half of it

  Fav 0 27 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (330): View more from Ohio

  when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.

  Fav 0 58 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize