He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
