So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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