Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
