My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
