I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
