Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
