I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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