Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
