I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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