Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
