i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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