fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
