I'm eating all of the evidence.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
