Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
