Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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