ugly people sure do ruin things
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
