We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
