I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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