I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
In other news, I just burned my penis
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
