Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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