alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
