if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
