You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
