Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
