I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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