life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why is your signature on my underwear?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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