I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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