we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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