I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize