either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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