Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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