apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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