I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
